If you have come here hoping for a magical checklist to find the one, you are probably not gonna like what we have to say next. There is no list.
Much like the rules of fight club, there are no rules to finding the perfect life partner. There is no formula or secret sauce to zoning in on the right person than simply following your heart and being true to yourself. We do have some mantras that can guide you when you are in the thick of it.
Take Charge Of the Process
Be proactive and create avenues to meet people beyond your existing social circle. Moving in the same social setups disillusions most into thinking their options are limited. Join classes for a hobby you enjoy, a club or sign up to be part of a matchmaking database. Sitting around and waiting for your ideal partner to automatically appear in your life is a common problem. The whole ‘It will happen when you least expect it’ trope is for the lucky few. Most have to put in time and effort in meeting people to find their match.
The Thirty-Year Test
It is a tool to help you answer – am I being too picky? Ask yourself if the qualities you’re looking for will matter or even hold true in thirty years. You should definitely have some dealbreakers but limit them to down to 3 non-negotiables that you cannot do without. A full head of hair doesn’t count as one.
Keep Your Eye On the Prize
The dreamboat you met at a party a few months ago might be the prince charming you wished for but is he in for the long haul? Do not waste your time with people who do not share your vision for the future or are not ready for a long term commitment.
Sparks Are Overrated
Let go of the idea that there needs to be chemistry or a spark on the very first interaction or date. We always say – love or a long term relationship should be like a slow flame – warm, present & everlasting, not a flashy spark that’s exciting but temporary.
Go on That Second Date Even if You’re Not Sure You Want To
The need to weed people out based on their fashion sense or not knowing that Bolivia has salt flats (ahem) might seem like the natural thing to do, but it’s exactly the kind of impulsive thinking that might keep you from getting to know someone amazing. First interactions give some the jitters making them do or say socially inept things. Knowing that you are still interested in them might put them at ease and help reveal their true personalities.
Don’t Dwell On Rejection
You most definitely will meet people you like, who either don’t want the same things as you or are not in the same place mentally or otherwise. Such scenarios eventually result in heartbreak. Give your
precious heart time to heal and move on. Remember – rejection isn’t losing something – it is gaining space for something better 🙂
Lastly, do not stress yourself out. Remember that this process takes time, your path is unique, and your future relationship is meant to be. Instead of spending all your energy finding the perfect partner, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, so you can be a wonderful partner to someone.